Bush Appoints Navy Coach as Secretary of Offense

Washington DC (WTF). With rumors swirling that Coach Paul Johnson would head to another school to coach football, President Bush exercised his powers as CINC to appoint Coach Paul Johnson Secretary of Offense. The position is largely ceremonial but Coach Johnson will be expected to meet with the President once a year to discuss what President Bush called "high level strategery issues." Actor Chuck Norris was the front runner until this week when influential academy grads, including Sens. McCain and Webb convinced Bush to name Johnson.

"We needed to keep the coach in Annapolis and this was the only legal means to go it," said WH spokesperson Dana Perino.

When asked by Helen Thomas what a Secretary of Offense would do, Ms. Perino replied "the President hasn't nailed that down yet but he's working on it."