Top Gun still most annoying wardroom flick

Annapolis, MD (WTF). For the fifth consecutive year, Midshipmen voted the movie Top Gun as the Most Annoying Wardroom Flick. Some noted that the increase in negativity toward the movie indicates that even future airdales are tiring of the once worshipped movie.

"It just gets so damned played out," said Midn 1/c Jason "Smooth" Pyle of 13th Company. "I mean everytime I go into the wardroom somebody has it on. Or worse...somebody will quote Top Gun in a bar out in town. I hate that s*%t!"

But still, many future aviators cling to the movie like Saran Wrap. Its cult following, while diminished, is still very strong on the Yard.

Question: Which wardroom movie annoys you the most?

Top Gun 51%
Crimson Tide 24%
Blackhawk Down 11%
A Few Good Men 9%
Others 5%

Other Midshipmen have turned sour of Tom Cruise himself. "He was sooooo hot," explained Midn 2/c Ginny Scales of 4th Company. "But now he's one of those Scientology weirdos who believes that a spacecraft landed here and all that stuff. He's a freak now."

LT Bill Jones, Academy Public Affairs spokesman, told Salty Sam that he remembers Top Gun playing in the wardroom when he was a Midshipman. "That movie was almost looped in my wardroom. If it weren't for Friends and Seinfeld, I'd have never known anything else."

VADM Jeff Fowler, Academy Superintendent, is considering instituting an emergency Top Gun ban in all wardrooms until second semester.

CNO Unimpressed by Dant's Push Ups

Washington, DC (WTF). Sources inside the Pentagon have informed Salty Sam that former USNA Commandant and current CNO Admiral Gary Roughead sent a message to Academy Superintendent VADM Jeff Fowler -- tell the Commandant to do correct push ups or just stop doing them! A few Academy alumni, mostly Marines, expressed horror at the Dant's clearly awkward push up technique and form after Navy scores touchdowns.

"Jeepers, it looked like she was bobbing for apples," said retired Colonel Sam Brickhaus USMC and USNA '67. "She's scaring away potential Midshipmen."

"I've seen stronger arms on a slot machine," remarked CDR Dave "Ski" Sandkowski.

Former Navy SEAL and personal trainer Stew Smith agreed. "Yeah, you can't get away with that back bowing and head bobbing drill on national TV. It was ugly."

The Dant could not be reached for comment but several Mids saw her at the gym "sculpting her guns" like Ron Burgundy in Anchorman.

"She looked motivated," said one Midshipman who spoke to Salty on the condition of anonymity because he only has a 3.5 QPR. "She kept muttering that pain doesn't hurt."

Former Navy Coach Flagged for Excessive Cliches

Monroe, LA (WTF). University of Louisiana-Monroe head coach (and former Navy head coach) Charlie Weatherbie received a stern warning today from the NCAA -- stop using ridiculous cliches when talking to the press or else. NCAA officials have kept a log of Weatherbie's tired and overused cliches like "we need to get after 'em", "there's no I in team" and "team beats talent any day of the week."

"To date we have counted some 533 times that Charlie has used those phrases in a public forum or a press conference," said Lester Jones of the NCAA. "We thought it was time reign him in a little."

Officials considered dropping the matter without action until Weatherbie told a crowd of ULM boosters that "this is the most spirited school I've ever coached at" which drew loud guffaws and audible snickers from ULM alumni.

"Didn't he coach at Navy?" said Jimmy Joe Detreaux. "That's an odd statement."

Weatherbie was not happy with the NCAA's verdict but added "they have the right to their opinion, this is America" which is kinda sorta another cliche.

Rumor: Carney Admits Navy Won Game

Colorado Springs, CO (WTF). AF Quarterback Shaun Carney has never been one to admit defeat. When he was a child and lost at Monopoly he would flip the board in a rage. As he got older, the Air Force quarterback's attitude hardened. Despite losing five years in a row to Navy, Carney and his teammates were certain that they were the better team despite the blindingly obvious trend...until now.

Sources inside the Air Force Falcons locker room say that they overheard Cadet Carney say to another player "Navy beat us this year." Apparently, the entire locker room overheard the blasphemous comment and jumped on Carney.

"If Fisher (DeBerry) would have heard that comment, Shaun would be off the team and/or scrubbing the sh*tters for days!" said an assistant coach. "We all know that this program has never lost a game to Navy or Army and that's the way we like it."

Air Force officials also quickly jumped to Carney's side saying that it "was a moment of weakness" and that nothing should be drawn from it to indicate Navy has won any games. Air Force players also showed a united front.

“We realized Navy didn’t really beat us, and that was huge for us to realize,” senior cornerback Carson Bird said. “They really didn’t beat us. We beat ourselves.”

In response, Navy Coach Paul Johnson is thinking of a new strategy for next year's game. "According to Air Force, they've beat themselves 5 years in a row. We're thinking of not showing for the game next year so they can beat themselves again. Hey, we'll take the win and it will give us more time to prepare for our next game."

Academy Commandant Explains Food Situation ... Again!

Annapolis, MD (WTF). Captain Margaret Klein, Academy Commandant, was forced to clarify remarks that she made regarding King Hall (aka Burger King Hall) and its alleged lack of food for Mids. Some Naval Academy boosters accused CAPT Klein of blaming the Mids for her obvious poor planning and ineptitude by claiming that Mids needed to exercise portion control.


"I may have misspoken," said CAPT Klein. "It's not like all Mids are a bunch of fatties trying to gorge themselves. Maybe just 50% are. I don't know."


CAPT Klein has decided to implement a Fowleresque "nuke solution" to what should have been an easy problem to solve. Sources close to the "Momandant" say that she has tasked the mathematics department with devising a formula to calculate exactly how many calories the average Mid needs to consume. One Academy spokesman said that the Math department should be done with its calculation by May and Mids will be fed by the next Ac Year.

Others, including alumni, think the problem is serious and needs immediate correction before it becomes more severe.

"The King Hall food situation is one of the reasons our football team is so much smaller than the other Div IA schools," noted former Navy fullback Omar Nelson.

New Nachos Rule has Supe Puzzled

Annapolis, MD (WTF). This week Naval Academy Superintendent and Morale Kommissar VADM Jeffrey Fowler fell for one of the oldest juvenile gags known to man -- the "nachos rule" question. One Midshipmen, who will remain nameless because he is already in deep sh*t with his company officer, sent an anonymous letter to VADM Fowler asking him why he changed the "nachos rule." The Supe then interruped mandatory study hall for 25 seconds to announce that the "nachos rule will remain the same and that everyone should just go about their business smartly."

MIDN 3/c Kyle Smart of 23d Company could not believe it. "Dude, the Supe just said Nachos rule over the 1MC! That's funny."

But future Brigade Commander and toolbox MIDN 2/c Ima Tightarse did not think it was funny. "It's totally unprofessional and I think someone should be fried."

The Supe also announced that liberty will not be granted even if Navy defeats a BCS team this year and/or Jesus Christ returns, which ever comes first.