Washington, DC (WTF). In a joint press conference today, Defense Secretary Bob Gates informed tax payers that the Department of the Navy has decided to acquire the Department of the Air Force. Given the recent spat of leadership gaffes and firings as well as incidents with losing nuclear switches and flaunting protocols, Gates took a page from the Federal Reserve and Treasury playbooks and asked the Department of the Navy to acquire the Air Force. After tense negotiations, the Air Force secretary and Chief of Staff agreed to a buyout that would equate to $200 per airman.
Gates elaborated further during the press conference: "I was just tired of constantly firing people in the Air Force. It was getting really old really quick. So I decided to let the Navy do it. They fire people pretty regularly."
General Norton Schwartz was publicly supportive of the deal, calling it "the right thing to do for our airmen and families. It just seems like the Navy is having a better decade. Perhaps we'll split off when we get our house in order, but until then we could use some help."
Navy officials were equally ecstatic. "This means bigger budgets and better golf courses!!!!" said almost every Navy Admiral and high falutin suit wearer present.
