Annapolis, MD (WTF): After a thorough review of the Naval Academy ’s current rules and regulations, Superintendent VADM Fowler has decided to further widen his crack down on Midshipmen activity. “We are a nation at war and we must act accordingly” said VADM Fowler. New restrictions will be placed on Christmas leave and summer leave periods; each will be shortened significantly. Also, Midshipmen must now submit videotaped footage of themselves studying earnestly each day in order to prove they are actually studying. Furthermore, pictures of Jessica Simpson and other pop culture icons will be considered contraband. The new policies, dubbed OPERATION FUN VACUUM, are an attempt to break any Midshipmen who is not fit to lead our country in the global war on terror (GWOT).
“We have a lot of intelligence that indicates Mids aren’t taking the new mandatory study hours as seriously as we expected,” explained Naval Academy Commandant CAPT Margaret Klein, “so we’ve decided to trust but verify their claims. I mean…you cannot have a new policy and not enforce it, right?”
Some Midshipmen disagreed. “I’ve been to war in Iraq twice. I even have the Bronze Star,” said one Midshipmen who served as a Marine Corporal in Iraq , “and I don’t think this would prepare me for Iraq …maybe a seminary but not Iraq .”
But VADM Fowler disagrees. “Our data shows that if Midshipmen study thermodynamics more, then they will be better officers in the GWOT because the war is both dynamic and kinetic (thermo). QED.”
This week, VADM Fowler will be evaluating Navy Football’s triple option offense to ensure that it is in keeping with OPERATION FUN VACUUM. A source close to the Superintendent said that the administration is concerned that the triple option gives Mids too many options and it can also be highly deceptive to the other schools—a possible honor concept violation.
“The Admiral is looking to consolidate the triple option to just a single option,” noted the source. “He doesn’t want to tell Coach Johnson how to run his team but he would like Coach Johnson to apply “Lean Six Sigma” principles to the offense.”
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Operation Fun Vacuum has not been officially promulgated. Recommend you refrain from making suppositions and/or inferences until the ink is dry. This is a work in progress, and as such, subject to change. That would make you look terribly silly, Salty, should your scoop come in wide of the mark. The contraband list is a long way from being finalized in light of the fact that mids have been bringing aboard FOO (fun oriented objects)for years, particularly the RR years. I will let it out that JSimp posters were recently added to the list. Your intel is worthy.
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