Obama to Release "Hope Bomb" All Over McCain

Steubenville, OH (WTF). In a conference call today, Barack Obama fired back at Republican presumptive nominee John McCain. Responding to reports that he was long on promises and short on nearly everything else, Obama told reporters that he will release a "Hope Bomb all over McCain" and "I'll run change circles around him". However, just to temper his comments, Obama said he'd toss in some "spirit sprinkles" to ward off any collateral damage done by the "Hope Bomb."

USNA Grads to McCain: "Please Win...We Need to Erase Carter Memories"

Annapolis, MD (WTF). The Naval Academy Alumni Association (NAAA) has a long history of remaining nonpartisan and above the fray in elections. However, this week its leadership announced that "for the love of all things Holy, we want Senator McCain to win. We just cannot stomach having Jimmy Carter as our only President."

Most Naval Academy alumni were supportive of NAAA's stance. A recent poll of USNA graduates revealed two things:

• 0% of grads can pronounce the new Football coach's surname
• 99% of grads want McCain win so we don't get harassed anymore

"You know, every West Point graduate points that out to me," said Jarvis "Bud" Dagney USNA '67. "I just can't stand having Carter as our only USNA president. Remember when he got attacked by that rabbit? Jeesh."

"I mean...we beat Notre Dame last year for crying out loud! 2008 is the year to get rid of the Carter legacy," piped a drunken Jim McFail USNA '88.

NAAA would not immediately return Salty's phone calls but the voice mail message yelled "MAC IS BACK! MAC IS BACK!"